Absurdity, Allegory and China

Newt Gingrich, one of a long line of publicly shamed Republicans and a contender for a spot on the 2012 GOP presidential ticket, has an opinion piece in the Washington Examiner entitled Lets NOT meet the Uighurs, which will, no doubt, make the Zhongnanhai boys happy.

So the Obama administration has decided to set the Uighurs loose in America. Most likely, the lucky community that will soon be hosting the Uighurs is a neighborhood near you: Fairfax Country Virginia, where there is already a sizable (non-terrorist) Uighur community.

At Guantanamo Bay, the Uighurs are known for picking up television sets on which women with bared arms appear and hurling them across the room.

Perhaps understandably, the Obama administration believes the Uighurs will need help getting adjusted to northern Virginia society, in which women with bared arms have been known to appear.

Looks like Newt, the famously closet racist and shameless political predator who quit his job as Speaker of the House and abandoned his seat after winning an election in 1998 – just walked away! – may have his sites set on something a little more in this (China) neighborhood, just in case the White House thing doesn’t work out. Newt, who is known to do whatever he can to grub for a constituency, recently converted to Roman Catholicism, no doubt to wrangle the white pro-lifers who are out in force in South Bend, Indiana this weekend to spoil the commencement ceremony of Notre Dame graduates because the President of the United States is going to speak to them.

Newt has recently co-authored, along with his daughter, a self-help book entitled 5 Principles for a Successful Life: From Our Family to Yours, which sounds so very Chinese. Newt, who ramrodded the Clinton impeachment while privately ‘liaising’ with the current Ms. Gingrich while still married to the former, knows a lot about success. Funny how he picked up on Uighurs and women with bare arms. Despite his string of peccadilloes and his far nastier penchant for racist, backstabbing politics (I know, that seems a bit redundant, but I still believe that there are a few politicians who are in it for the right reasons), I believe he’d make a hit over here on the karaoke circuit. With a little hair dye, a few bars of some Hoagy Carmichael’s Georgia On My Mind Tantum ergo Sacramentum, and his revisionist spin on history, he’d blend right in with the rest of the boys, what with his take on the Uighurs and all.