Absurdity, Allegory and China

I cannot begin to adequately describe just how deeply goofy things are getting here. As the Olympic clock ticks down – actually more burning fuse than ticking clock – things are coming unraveled. Yesterday on CCTV-5 (China Central Television), the official ChiCom sports channel, in the middle of a program renaming the channel The Olympic Channel, the wife of the CCTV-5 host unexpectedly took to the stage and commandeered the podium: “… a visibly upset Hu Ziwei, the wife of top CCTV-5 announcer and sports news department head Zhang Bin—about to introduce Olympic ping pong player Wang Nan—suddenly appeared on stage and grabbed the microphone, accusing Zhang of having an affair, as well as of smearing the name of both China and the 2008 Olympics. Hu herself is a host of an Olympics-themed program at Beijing TV.” The Global Voice Online gives a translation of Ms. Hu’s oft-interrupted speech, which will, no doubt, end her CCTV career. Turns out Zhang is quite the rake. And Hu, the little temptress, a year or two ago was on the delivery end of what she just received – separating Zhang from his first wife, who I imagine is having a great laugh. To have a look check out YouTube. And there’s still eight months until the athletes show up with their gas masks. (The air in Beijing today, December, 29, 2007, is in the “unhealthy” range with an air pollution index (API) rating of 156. Yesterday and the day-before were in the lethal zone, 421 and 500 respectively.)

And this from the Yale Daily News: “A Yale biology professor [Stephen C. Stearns] who taught at Peking University this fall as part of a joint program between the two schools has accused the Chinese school of turning a blind eye toward plagiarism, raising questions about the academic integrity of an institution that is a central partner in Yale’s internationalization efforts.” There is no reason to doubt this guy’s take on this, though it feels a little naïve for someone who’s part of “Yale’s internationalization efforts” to be shocked in this discovery. Plagiarism and all forms of cheating are epidemic in China, but it’s all seen as the business of being in the educational business, from early primary school placement up through the smoky ranks of professorship. These are practical survival tactics that do not show up on the ethical radar of those navigating the stratums of the system. It’s all part of the essential toolkit on the claw to the top of the writhing heap. The students at Peking University (Beida) are proverbially “the best and the brightest” in the country. That they cheat is not so much news as it would be to find someone who actually doesn’t. Diogenes would have had a thing or two to say about this bunch, but this is hardly ancient Greece. In fact, this one doesn’t even go in that direction. Perhaps at Yale they need to learn more about the competition as they strive to make their efforts International. They need to bone up a bit on their Mencius: “For things to be unequal is the natural tendency of things…. For the master to try to make them the same would bring chaos to the world.” And that’s the way it’s been here, seemingly forever. Recalibrate. (And, yes, it is scary.)

Oh, and I almost forgot. On Christmas Eve there was a student ‘riot’ a mile north of where I am sitting, at Nankai University. A woman driver brushed a female student bicyclist, which possibly scratched the driving babe’s shiny Buick. She got out, threatened the girl with the elite assault that went something like,‘You have no idea who I am?’ A crowd gathered – something that reflexively happens here in the land of 1.3+ billion people – then a male passenger, reported later to be the owner of the car, wandered away before quickly returning with ‘friends’ who attacked some of the gathered students. The crowd of students ended up completely trashing the car, while the police stood back and placidly watched (and smoked?) in their best ‘mei banfa’ poses. What finally stopped the students was the appearance at the scene two hours later by a dean or two from the university outfitted with a bullhorn, which brought the whole thing to an end when one of the students hopped up on the overturned car and lead his classmates in “school songs.”

And it proves to get better. Better than having box seats in the Yankees locker room with all the stars, syringes and the steroids. This is more fun than nitrous oxide. (BTW, I’ve heard an unsubstantiated rumor that the Air Control for the People’s Protection Special Work Units will start pumping out N2O on days when the API rises over 200, so everyone can laugh as they choke to death.)

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